Always Here to be Absent
by inverted.typo
Summary: My name is Marco Bott. Well, I was Marco Bott. Point is, I died. But that doesn't necessarily mean I left. jeanmarco oneshot T for language.


Hello!

My name is Marco Bodt.

...

Well, I was Marco Bodt. Or am I still Marco Bodt? Ah...can I still apply the present possessive-?

Nevermind.

The point is, I died. Sad, but true. I'm not exactly sure _how_ I died honestly, but I definitely did die. It's quite an embarrassing story actually, haha! You see, sometime during a very life or death determining battle, I was swinging from building to building until I slammed into something. In the end of it all, I lost half of my body! Isn't that silly? It was, unfortunately, most likely devoured by one of these obscenely grotesque Titan creatures that seem to have an infinitely unsatisfied hunger for humans.

Tsk... I really am embarrassed and quite ashamed by that...I didn't even get to put in a last word I don't think...and to think I wasn't even good enough to be eaten whole! Well, I suppose that's good in a way, I mean who wants to lose their own bodies anyways? It's stupid really how these Titans just gobble us up like candy mindlessly and us ants are just fleeing and fighting tooth and nail for our seemingly insignificant lives-

Oh no I'm rambling! I'm sorry!

...

My favorite thing to do now...is to watch over my most important person...Jean.

I am proud to say that while I was still living, he was my life. He took the best care of me, while I tried my hardest to take the best care of him. It's definitely not an understatement to say we were always together, hand in hand, side by side. I guess you could say were were inseparable for the most part, except for when missions assigned us into different squads.

And alas, that is the reason why I probably died. In battle, we always had each other's backs, almost as if we grew a second pair of eyes to keep specifically on each other. It's quite fun to say we were a dynamic duo of some kind. But, those second pair of eyes were forced shut when we were not together in the field.

Yet, even death couldn't stop me from trying to protect or watch out for my Jean!

When I'm not conversing or socializing with the rest of the deceased, I'm often lingering around Jean. I'll be right beside him, or I'll find myself draping my arms over his shoulders, watching his life by his side. It irritates me that he's incapable of knowing I'm here with him, and it scares me to think he might believe I abandoned him.

Because of that, I mourn my own death. I miss being beside him the way I'm supposed to be. I miss his arms around me, too. I especially miss his gentle kisses he peppered onto my face when we'd both come back from battle unharmed. Even though I'm still almost always with him, I miss Jean so much... It's like I'm yelling his name over and over straight into his ear, only to learn he's deaf to me alone. It's quite an infuriating situation, really.

However, I've learned to be positive about it, knowing one day we'll be together again. Thankfully, death is inevitable. Isn't that such an odd thing to say?

One day, hopefully not too soon, he too will die. I, of course still want him to live a long and close-to-happy life. I want him to stay close to the friends he has, and make some more on the way. Although, I am a bit weary that he may fall in love with someone else... I certainly would be jealous that's for sure! Ah...

...

I remember once Jean was crying. It was late at night, the small world within the wall eerily quiet, a steady haze of fear silently drifting through. Jean had perched himself high in a tree, sobbing silently. I was sitting next to him, my arms holding him the way I would have if I were alive. He was hiccuping and catching his breath as tears trickled down his flushed face before dripping off into the inky blackness below.

I buried my head into his shoulder, squeezing tighter, the warm feeling of his body against mine absent.

"Please don't cry..." I cooed, "It worries me."

Jean simply continued, biting his lip in efforts to calm himself down. He was thinking about something. I could tell by the way he bit his lip, which he always did when he was extra pensive about one thing or another. He trembled like a leaf the poor thing, leaning against the large tree's trunk.

"Wh-why did he die...! Why did he leave me!" he sputtered helplessly, "I miss him...! I miss him so much! I try so hard to st-stay focused on-on fighting but...I don't know if I can do it anymore! F-for so long, my anger to-towards his death-I wanted to kill every single one of them, to avenge him! But there's so many...I-I...was so overwhelmed and...!"

He exploded with an agonizing scream that echoed through the trees, disturbing every creature near. The forest rustled violently before steadily settling down.

"_God damn it! God fucking damn it!_ Marco...! Marco! I need you! I _need_ you back! I can't do this without you, anymore! I can't _handle this_. The-the person I need to comfort me _isn't fucking here._ And I'm dying because I'm not strong enough on my own!" he lamented hysterically, running his fingertips down his neck in a nervous and anxious way. _  
_

In slight panic and mostly impulse, I reached over to him and pushed my lips against his. It was a ghostly kiss that sent shivers down my spine. Who knew ghosts could feel so uneasy as well? I held them there as Jean cried, slowly regaining himself. I didn't expect much of a reaction, automatically assuming he wouldn't have felt anything but a light breeze, or maybe nothing at all.

Yet Jean surprised me as his amber eyes fluttered open. His long eyelashes caught some of his tears, giving his eyes a unique glimmer. I was taken aback as he stared right into my eyes. If I could have blushed (do ghosts even blush? I don't know how to check haha...) I definitely would have. He leaned closer to my face, his hand reaching up and caressing my cheek.

My insides were swelling with joy and question, excitement and anxiety. He could feel me...sense me...couldn't he?

"M-Marco..." he whispered my name again.

I could only grin wide and place my hand on his, allowing my cheek to press perfectly into his warm palm.

"I'm here, Jean. I always have been," I let out a light laugh.

Silly boy and his doubts. I always did tell him to have more confidence in himself and others.

He smiled gently. It had been the first time I'd seen him smile since my death.

"...Never got to tell you I love you again..." he mumbled hesitantly.

I'm certain he was questioning his sanity at this point.

"That makes two of us doesn't it?"

I nuzzle him and kiss him one more time. I could tell by the falter in his eyes that to him, I was no longer there... He couldn't feel me anymore. I sigh in bitter acceptance, before holding him close anyways, slipping my hand into his. I chuckled as I could have sworn he slightly squeezed back.

Oh well...maybe some other time we'll be able to talk like this again, hm?

* * *

**Jeanmarco is my new OTP everyone. Oh god I died so hard when Marco died I was just so distraughtttt. This is so odd this fanfic what do I do with my life?! I PROMISED TO WRITE HAPPY FICS BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH ANGST WITH THESE TWO BUT THEN I SPIT OUT THIS BULLSHIT.**

**I just wanted to write Marco being by Jean's side even though he was GONE -flails with all my feels-**

**I don't even know anymore, nope nope nope.**

**Thanks for reading anywaysss**


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